Library

Attention.

A couple of days ago, I was watching a video of a sniper patiently enjoying his target practice in the comfort of his own backyard (he had a large property). It occurred to me at that moment, strangely enough, that this man's attention was solely on his target. Nothing was distracting him, and he shot true. He was able to focus and hit his target well.

It occurred to me at that moment that this is much like a lot of things in life; our goals and ambitions are much like that target the sniper was so intensely focused on. Sure life isn't as straight of a path like the bullet coming out of a barrel, but it does perspective on how we should try to live life if one of the goals is a lofty one.

Medicine definitely is not easy; just getting into medical school is hard enough. Time and attention and two very big commodities while attending school; our target is landing that residency spot we so desire. What's the best way to hit our target? To have our whole un-abiding focus on that target.

This is not realistic in most cases for the average medical student in the U.S.; what I CAN do realistically is be aware that attention/focus/awareness is just as much of a commodity as time is.

I remember during the past week that a lot of my time was placed in playing video games, watching movies or browsing the internet. There's nothing wrong with that... especially if I am stressed, but everything in moderation. I found that after a couple of hours of doing just what I described that I felt my head was full of a jumble of images, thoughts, articles, funny pictures, etc from the past couple of hours of playtime.

Our brains must work like that, I think, in order to best learn our brains replay the information that we've been exposed to recently and again while we are asleep. During this time, I found that I couldn't focus on even lying still; I felt like my head was overwhelmed with "stuff" that wouldn't let me progress onto things that needed to get done - I simply felt too overwhelmed by stimulus overload. I was left with negative emotions like helplessness and guilt. I knew what I needed to do but I was so overwhelmed by guilt that I couldn't do anything expect lie on my bed with the lights off and door closed listening to relaxing melodies, hoping the find some kind of focus as the lack of stimulation took over my environment. The worst part of it is that after constant mental and visual stimulation over several hours, the sudden lack of any visual stimuli was jarring and was asphyxiating my distracted brain. It was like coming down from an attack of withdrawal; a painful withdrawal.

This is part of reflection, definitely. I needed to realize that this happens to me. Now that I know that that kind of distraction and stimulation has such a detrimental effect on me, I can combat it by avoiding it in the first place (the best option, I know).

I am a real big fan of the Pomodoro method in that I work for 20 minutes and relax for 5. In those 5 minutes I can play a game or do something relaxing.

Right now I'm at the medical library after a long day of working in the lab. I'm tired; I have food but I am tired. I slept only 3 hours last night due to stress and so my tiredness is so far un-abating (at least, without coffee seeing as I didn't bring any (so foolish)).

Maybe I'll just go to Best Buy and buy the game while it's cheap.Yeah.

I'll do that and go home. Try to focus at the kitchen table for a little bit and then progress to my work room.

Good, good.

Electronics

I want to write a lot about my experience that I had today about electronics and my state of mind; however it being so late I think I'll sum it up with a couple of sentences.

Using electronics/video games/anything with a screen as a distraction for a little bit (nothing more than 20 minutes) while doing something productive is OK (when doing something productive, 5 minutes is ideal like with using Pomodoro).

However, anything more... for a while... really kills my attention. It fills my head with a lot of thoughts... not bad or anything just thoughts of what I've seen during my time online or playing a game or something. I feel like my head is clouded with all the sensory stimulation I had.

I had to take a long time today to get my head clear again and even then it's still not clear. I was, however, productive. I made food for the week that I could take to school and I did my laundry. I will elaborate more on this later today (since it's already 2 am).

Also, I wrote something down the other day with regards to "attention." I will also elaborate more on this.

Until then.

V

The Times I Hate My Life

Include when I am up all night and I haven't done anything productive.

There's distractions and there's ruining the potential of performing well the following day.

Balance.

Weird Beginning of the Week.

This week I have been trying to sell my Xbox 360 in order to purchase the new Legend of Zelda 3DS XL bundle. I've been thinking about it for quite a while; I would really like it if I could make it happen! So far, I've been having terrible luck with selling it. When I first posted the system for sale, the only offer I got was for $100 for the system and 4 games. Then today, I had not one but four offers. The first person who contacted me in the morning (6:34 am, actually) seemed like he really wanted to purchase it. Because of him, I told the others that I was in the process of selling it. Now, it seems, he has been avoiding me. It's frustrating, more so than I let on. I went to Dadeland mall in order to find peace somewhere by walking around where there are people. In the least, it calmed me down a little.

I came to Pasion del Cielo across the street because I thought that I may as well be productive in a place I like working in. I told the buyer that I was here since Panera was closing soon; if anything I'll get some petty revenge  from him feeling guilty (or even better, he actually comes).

Anyway...

I wanted to write down two lessons that Dr. Dismaris taught me that I think will help my life out a lot:

1. Whenever you are in doubt about what the next thing you should do is (or if you are lacking discipline at the moment), remember your values. Adhering to activities that fulfill these values will also make you happy.
1. Hanging out at home with Jennifer can be distracting. Remember your values! Do whatever it is you need to do in order to maintain long-lasting happiness.
2. Whenever you leave town, you should make an auto-reply e-mail for people who send emails to you so that they know you are not available at the time for working.
1. According to what happened last week... answering your e-mails is seriously the key to happiness.
1. Not answering e-mails and letting them pile up is stressful as hell and pretty much ruined my day.

When I came back to Orlando on the 25th of October, I didn't take the time before hand to inform people that I wouldn't be actively available to address their concerns. This lead to some conflicts (albeit small) that could have been avoided.

I want to get a 3DS because it's something that all of us can get into. By all of us I mean my friends in Orlando. I think the number one reason, however, is that when I am studying using the pomodoro method, I will have something fun to do for those 5 minutes where I have to take a break. A 3DS is so pick up and go it's perfect!

Anyway, it' 9:30 pm now at Pasion. I figure I should do something productive. I think at this point I should look over my notes that I have made from Dubins and Goljan just so I don't forget that information very easily.

Schedule for tomorrow:

7:00 am = Wake up. Get ready, etc. Bring food with you this time!
8:30 am = Leave the house. Bring the present!
9:00 am - 1:00 pm = Lab
2:00 pm - 3:30 pm = See dermatologist and give her present.
3:30 pm - 5:30 pm = Run or Box at the gym, then shower.
6:00 pm = DON'T GO TO THE STUPID MEETING
5:30 pm = Head to Dadeland and study at Pasion.