Planning Well.

Things I did today:
- Went to ISET radiology conference
- Went to get FRAXEL laser treatment on my face
- Wrote in this blog



I did not want to a part of the wave of people entering the gym following new years eve. I wanted to come slightly afterwards; although I should not have let others sway my decision, it also gave me time to reorganize back at home in Miami as well as re-focus on what's important in life as a medical student.

When I did the Mad Cow work out plan that Ben gave me, I got pretty strong. I suspect that I have lost a lot of the strength that I have gained since that time when I stopped. I stopped and I didn't continue with any plan because I did not make time to create one. What a fatal mistake. I won't repeat that mistake again. That being said, I want to restart it and regain that strength. I like it a lot because it plays nice with my schedule and I can revolve my life around school. I have to eat well! This is so crucial; most books on fitness stresses this so much. I remember back at home in Orlando at UCF I ate well mostly because I didn't worry about making my own food. Now that I am solely responsible for all of the food that goes into my stomach, I have to be more aware of what goes in my mouth! Right now, I am making a food and workout plan for the week. Here's to a good year of fitness!

"Work Hard, Plan Well, Fear Nothing

January 17^th, 2014

It has been just a little over two weeks since the new year began. I spent most of December at home with the family compared with the other months during my LoA. I want to write more on how the last month has been , but perhaps on another occasion. I would  like more to emphasize on what the new year means to me.

Last year was the year of self-improvement. Last year was pretty successful in that regard. Jenn and I really buckled down and focused on improving ourselves through each other and the use of external aids like therapy and books. Self-discipline was ok, it could have been better. Overall, last year was very valuable.

This year, we have declared it to be the year of , “Work Hard, Plan Well, Fear Nothing.” I feel that it covers the most important factors for doing well finishing second year and proceeding onto the third year. I think of this motto often and it helps drive me to do better; especially the fear. Fear is something that paralyzes a lot of people and I feel that I am especially vulnerable. I don’t want to be afraid anymore and so I simply won’t be. Fear can be found in times where I don't want to do something for seemingly no reason. For example, right now I am at Pasion del Cielo and I have been here for one hour. It took about forty minutes to get started writing in here which was my principle purpose for coming here in the first place. Why did it take so long? I wanted to use the bathroom but it was occupied for the longest time so I didn't want to settle down and write. I was talking to people and procrastinating. It wasn't until I decided that I will sit down and actually do it that I began to write in here. I also need to work out today, but will I really feel up to it after I leave here? There really is no reason why I shouldn't go. There is an invisible barrier saying to me, "you're already home and changed, you shouldn't leave to go to school and work out." When my parents said things like that to me I thought it was dumb and silly and now I find myself telling me these defeatist things. I will go to the gym later, even if it is inconvenient. 

Work Hard. Plan Well. Fear Nothing.

V

Keep Calm and Cool.

Before my meeting today with Dr. Runowicz (Dr. R for short), I was feeling a little tense. I was part sad part worried about what would come out of her mouth during the meeting. I had arrived a couple of minutes earlier so I had some time to evaluate my behavior.

It was at that point that I began reading a book that had profiles of true leaders in Miami for 2013. They had many words of wisdom to give which made me feel at ease.They all seemed to have level heads resting upon their shoulders... maybe that's why I started feeling this way. I became very mellow and proper; I corrected my posture, I spoke with a low/comforting tone that was in no way rushed; I smiled and nodded without exaggeration. If I were talking to me at that point, I would have felt ease. I think the main reasoning behind this whole attitude was that it was a state of being that didn't require much energy to maintain. I felt (and still feel) as though that whatever needed to be done I could do it as I took my time. Why rush anything? If you take the time to do it right and on time, was there really a rush to do anything? Do things with purpose, and do them well. When the time comes to be rushed or expend a lot of physical or mental energy, you will have the energy to use it on since you are living in an energy efficient state.

Today when I was leaving school after my meeting with Dr. R, I was sitting in my car getting things ready to go when the car beside me had their driver come up and get ready to leave as well. Normally, I would try to hurry up what I was doing and try to leave before them. But... why? What was the point? It didn't matter if I left a couple of seconds earlier than she did; what I would have done was sacrifice some peace of mind and time I could be using to make myself happy and comfortable in my car just to show that I could leave earlier. It's silly. Now, of course, there are occasions where you would want to act quickly, but for those times, use the energy you didn't spend on daily doings and suddenly those time where you rushed won't seem so bad - just make sure to ensure that they do not happen too often.

Three things that I wanted to remember to write here:

- Starting out going back to workouts, workout at least once a day - whether it be cardio or lifting (try to alternate)
- Everyday is its own day. The only thing weeks, months, and years are good for are for record keeping and deadlines. Do not treat the weekend any different than a weekday; use them all well and take each as they come to take the full advantage of them.
- Be calm and cool. When the time comes to be swift, you will be ready.

My meeting with Dr. R was fairly uneventful. She seemed to be glad that I am on my return back and she sounds fairly confident that I can do well. For this I'm happy - I don't want to disappoint anyone anymore.

I wish writing in this blog didn't feel like such a chore. It doesn't take more than 20 minutes to really write down everything I'd like. Perhaps over time it won't feel so bad and with my new demeanor it won't take such a toll on what remains of my energy.

V

Cruise thoughts.

I remember... feeling trapped on that ship. Without internet, a lot of the things that I placed my focus on at home didn't seem to matter anymore. Not really just not mattering, but moreso the reason for them being a focus in my life came out as being silly. Why was the internet and video games even that important? I remember that once I had returned home, I didn't really want to use the internet. What was the point of sitting on my butt for hours staring at a screen? I enjoyed walking around the boat with everything at a walks convenience.

I think that was part of it too. Back in Miami, I have to load up my car with bags of things that I would need to enjoy a productive day. A bag for the gym, a bag of food for the day, and my backpack with my study things for the day. The gym is at the opposite side of the campus, where I have to bike there since everything I do on campus in on the other side. I shower there, bike back, grab the other two bags, put food bag in fridge, take some food and put it in backpack, go to a study room and unload everything, study for a little bit, eat something, study some more, pack up, take two bags to the car, go home, unload all three bags into the house after walking up three stories, do the same thing again tomorrow.

On the boat, I could leave everything in our cabin and go off to the gym, walk back, shower, grab pack of small things, go read somewhere relaxing, if hungry I can just pack up the little things I have and grab some food nearby (short walking distance), eat something small but filling and go back to reading or whatever. If I forgot something, it's a quick walk to the cabin and there I can just drop off things that I don't need anymore.

Cruise ships are definitely not a true representation of real life, unless you're wealthy I suppose. I suppose real life takes a lot more effort to become efficient in. Today was my first day going back to "med school." I am auditing the renal course I had already taken in order to start adjusting to med school life in time for Neurology, the last course I need to finish my second year. Although I woke up early thanks to Jennifers alarm clock a 5:30 am, and I as able to get food ready for the day as well as prepare fully for the day, I couldn't help but feel exhausted by 11:00 am. I was mentally exhausted from class as well as carrying around books and food for the first part of the day.

The only solution is practice and habit formation. I will continue to do this everyday as it becomes easier. I will prepare my bags for the things I want to accomplish everyday.

 I have many productive thoughts everyday, I think it would be wise to write in here more often so that my entries become less wordy and filled with more relevant information.

I did put notepads in my bathroom and bedroom. I found them to be very helpful! I do come up with some good ideas when I'm lying down in my bed or in the tub o I'm glad I put them there. I also put one in the living room and there is already a notepad on the refrigerator. Maybe some cool ideas I have will actually get done.

Anywho, I think I've written enough this time around. I will try to go to sleep by 10 pm and wake up early for a productive day. I will stop using the PC around 9 pm so I will have 1 hour of no visual stimulation. It's time to use all of the techniques I have accumulated this year!

• - Sleep hygiene
• - Planning at night for the day ahead
• - Getting everything ready for tomorrow morning the night before (food, clothes etc).
• - Mindfulness and meditation
• What were the good and bad things that happened today? What could you have done differently?
• Eating well
• Drinking water often
• Protein heavy meals
• Eating every 2/3 hours

Tomorrow I want to plan an exercise routine... or hell even tonight.

Last day of Cruise

December 6^th, 2013

Today is the last day of our voyage around the Caribbean. The last time I remember the stars being this visible and bright was during my Outdoor Adventure trip to Cumberland Island in Georgia. The second night we were here I remember Michael and I went to the top most deck on the boat and laid down on the chairs to see the stars. Although there was much light on the ship, if you cupped your hands around your eyes you could see so many stars. It was really brilliant; I think it was the best part of the whole trip.

We did many things while on the boat that we couldn’t do normally. We ate, a lot, mostly. We went to a comedy show or two, saw a comedian/magician named Marcus Monroe who was really the best show I saw on the cruise. We won $50 at BINGO (while spending $20 on BINGO cards, so $30 net gain), I went down the two water slides on top of the boat, I played basketball on top of the ship, played mini-golf with Michael (twice), went to the gym, ran around the ship (two miles) and most of all just relaxed.

Really… I remember distinctly not looking forward to traveling to the different islands. Since we realized that the only way we can do fun things off of the boat was to pay more money, our options were limited. The cruise had cost $2100 not including $100 for parking, so it’s not hard to see why we wouldn’t want to spend more money. Nassau was really hot; it was our first stop and the most disappointing. The taxis to take you to the interesting parts of the island were sketchy and mostly broken down. It was plain to see that the island survived mainly on the tourism that these boats brought to the island. Paradise Island was adjacent to Nassau and was accessible through taxi; since we did not plan correctly, we ended up just visiting the shops in the shopping district. It felt more like a giant flea market, however. The other two islands were significantly more beautiful and interesting. In St. Thomas, my father relented and purchased 4 tickets for a tour of the island. It was nice, I’m glad we were able to do something like that. We went up, down, on the wrong side of the road, all over the island. We were dropped off at, “Blackbeards’ Castle” which was just a lookout tower that was on top of a dungeon where he was supposedly imprisoned for some time. From there we walked down to see some tourist attractions and that was it – shops after that.

St. Marten was nice too; we paid $3 each for a one way taxi cab ride to downtown and the beaches. There we paid $20 more for 4 beach recliners, a parasol and wi-fi. Thanks to this, I was able to snorkel a bit, something I’ve been longing to do ever since we started this trip. Both St. Thomas and St. Marten were beautiful islands with huge mountains and plenty of foliage. They were U.S. and Dutch/French owned, respectively. On St. Thomas, I was able to call Jenn and tell her how much I had missed her these past two weeks. Absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder; I miss her still and I can’t wait to see her and give her some presents.

Even after seeing all of these islands and officially going out of the country for the first time in my life, I felt the best part of this trip was definitely the boat. Right now, I’m on our room balcony typing this in the middle of the night – my only light being that of my laptop. I see the abyss of the ocean staring back at me with more than a few glimmering stars and the sound and sights of the roaring ocean beneath us as we soar towards home to Port Canaveral. Although I’ve seen this for the past week, I know that once it is gone that I will miss it dearly. I hate living in Miami, that concrete jungle. If ever anyone wanted a metaphor for a land sucked of its soul it would be that city; superficial, wretched and drowning in ignorance, poverty, and stubbornness. Every time I come back to Orlando I am bombarded by its people’s kindness and natural surroundings. Although Orlando is still a big city, it has definitely retained its moniker, “the city beautiful.”

It’s not just these things I was thinking about too. A week without internet was just what I needed. Not having it made me realize just how trivial it was thinking and worrying about all the things that are happening online. Social media is important nowadays for many things but for me personally I think it’s rubbish. I realize now that it’s the social equivalent of Microsoft points on xbox live or karma on reddit; they are points that have no value and truly don’t mean a thing – pure rubbish.

Being here made me default to things that are truly valuable to me. I found that not having the internet around made going to the gym seem less like a chore and more like play time. This may be due to the fact that the gym is so close to my room and I am able to change fairly quickly and get on with my day, but even so, I think if the gym was further away I would still make the trek… eventually.

Maybe that’s what I need. I needed to get rid of the distractions in my life. The internet really is a huge one and now that I have a 3DS that could prove to be another one. I’ll have to use the 3DS responsibly in the way that I promised myself I would – as a small break while studying.

I have way too many nice thoughts that I wish I could write down. I need to start carrying a small notebook with me along with a pen. In my apartment, I want to leave notepads in every room so that if  a good idea comes up I will be able to write it down promptly with no problem.

V

Library

Attention.

A couple of days ago, I was watching a video of a sniper patiently enjoying his target practice in the comfort of his own backyard (he had a large property). It occurred to me at that moment, strangely enough, that this man's attention was solely on his target. Nothing was distracting him, and he shot true. He was able to focus and hit his target well.

It occurred to me at that moment that this is much like a lot of things in life; our goals and ambitions are much like that target the sniper was so intensely focused on. Sure life isn't as straight of a path like the bullet coming out of a barrel, but it does perspective on how we should try to live life if one of the goals is a lofty one.

Medicine definitely is not easy; just getting into medical school is hard enough. Time and attention and two very big commodities while attending school; our target is landing that residency spot we so desire. What's the best way to hit our target? To have our whole un-abiding focus on that target.

This is not realistic in most cases for the average medical student in the U.S.; what I CAN do realistically is be aware that attention/focus/awareness is just as much of a commodity as time is.

I remember during the past week that a lot of my time was placed in playing video games, watching movies or browsing the internet. There's nothing wrong with that... especially if I am stressed, but everything in moderation. I found that after a couple of hours of doing just what I described that I felt my head was full of a jumble of images, thoughts, articles, funny pictures, etc from the past couple of hours of playtime.

Our brains must work like that, I think, in order to best learn our brains replay the information that we've been exposed to recently and again while we are asleep. During this time, I found that I couldn't focus on even lying still; I felt like my head was overwhelmed with "stuff" that wouldn't let me progress onto things that needed to get done - I simply felt too overwhelmed by stimulus overload. I was left with negative emotions like helplessness and guilt. I knew what I needed to do but I was so overwhelmed by guilt that I couldn't do anything expect lie on my bed with the lights off and door closed listening to relaxing melodies, hoping the find some kind of focus as the lack of stimulation took over my environment. The worst part of it is that after constant mental and visual stimulation over several hours, the sudden lack of any visual stimuli was jarring and was asphyxiating my distracted brain. It was like coming down from an attack of withdrawal; a painful withdrawal.

This is part of reflection, definitely. I needed to realize that this happens to me. Now that I know that that kind of distraction and stimulation has such a detrimental effect on me, I can combat it by avoiding it in the first place (the best option, I know).

I am a real big fan of the Pomodoro method in that I work for 20 minutes and relax for 5. In those 5 minutes I can play a game or do something relaxing.

Right now I'm at the medical library after a long day of working in the lab. I'm tired; I have food but I am tired. I slept only 3 hours last night due to stress and so my tiredness is so far un-abating (at least, without coffee seeing as I didn't bring any (so foolish)).

Maybe I'll just go to Best Buy and buy the game while it's cheap.Yeah.

I'll do that and go home. Try to focus at the kitchen table for a little bit and then progress to my work room.

Good, good.

Electronics

I want to write a lot about my experience that I had today about electronics and my state of mind; however it being so late I think I'll sum it up with a couple of sentences.

Using electronics/video games/anything with a screen as a distraction for a little bit (nothing more than 20 minutes) while doing something productive is OK (when doing something productive, 5 minutes is ideal like with using Pomodoro).

However, anything more... for a while... really kills my attention. It fills my head with a lot of thoughts... not bad or anything just thoughts of what I've seen during my time online or playing a game or something. I feel like my head is clouded with all the sensory stimulation I had.

I had to take a long time today to get my head clear again and even then it's still not clear. I was, however, productive. I made food for the week that I could take to school and I did my laundry. I will elaborate more on this later today (since it's already 2 am).

Also, I wrote something down the other day with regards to "attention." I will also elaborate more on this.

Until then.

V