Lately I've been feeling easily angered and frustrated. The past three days, things Jennifer does seems to annoy me to no end. I wish she were more independent. I care about her tons and she's great company... but she doesn't make me want to become a better person. She strives for better things but nothing more than living comfortably in the future. Like I was telling Herney on that night out two years ago, I want to change the world, I want to make a positive impact in the future.
I have 3.25 months left until school starts back up. I've learned so many valuable things so far this year. I wish... this year would last forever. I'm having so much fun just trying to improve myself as a person and a professional. I am less fearful and stronger physically and mentally; I am more comfortable in my own skin.
I wanted to think about the state of things today... I found myself to be very distracted. In one of those moments, I thought to myself, "... I'm really distracted aren't I? That's my biggest problem now, isn't it? It's not the drive, it's not the fear (so much as disorganization), but it's placing my attention on things that really don't matter huh?"
I think, that might really be the final obstacle. Dr. Dismaris said that when I feel distracted I should think about my values. I think it helps but I need to make it a good habit otherwise the advice is worthless. Making that habit takes will power... Yeah... I just have to keep that in mind.
Making the habits work takes will power! Waking up from bed and staying up also takes will power because it's also another habit I need to develop.
1) Not getting distracted
2) Getting up from bed when I wake up
Those are the two obstacles I need to conquer. I sound like a broken record when I say it like this because I'm sure I've said that many times before... but I think the state I'm in right now allows me to be in the best position I've ever been to conquer them. Another habit I need to keep (but I'm not so bad at keeping) are the following:
1) Making the plan for today and tomorrow
2) Spending that hour before bed time to get ready for bed.
Right now I'm sipping on some of Greg's old sake and writing in this blog with Jennifer at my side. She's flipping through a Victoria's Secret catalog. I remember someone told me to seize everyday moments so I feel like right now it's actually pretty nice. If we regard many moments like this, will life be prettier or will it depreciate into blandness from over analyzing every moment? Something to think about. The sky right now is on the cusp of sunset, like the times I used to ride around on my bike in the neighborhood before settling down somewhere to think about stuff.
I was supposed to run with Michelle tonight, but she's so slow. I'm thinking, should I just run? It will be lonely and the ride there will only take 10 minutes but it sounds like such a hassle. Is it really though? At least I can run and drop off that letter I've been meaning to drop off. I want to make my list of things I want to do tonight and determine what I will do according to that.
Like some poster said some where; no excuses.
I want to be a hero. I want to act like a hero.
A - Things I Must Do
- Remember to go to the health office tomorrow to get my PPD checked out
- Read 20 pages of Dubin's
- Run around school
- Drop off the letter after running around school.
- Car maintenance
B - Things I Should Do
- Get rosetta stone working on the PC and laptop
- Organize Japanese study plan
- Read up on freeletics
C - Things I Could Do, but it's not the end of the world if I don't do it.
- Customize phone
- Get Dragon working on the PC and Laptop
I think I can finish most of this today. I will remember to fill out the form that Dr. Dismaris gave me that uses this form of to do list to grade myself. I want to grade myself every time I do this now.
V
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